On Behalf of My Client ...

[Stu]

*** MARTY DINKLE stands in front of a PWA backdrop, puffing away at his cigar, his derby cocked so far over his right eye that his eye is nearly hidden. ***

MARTY DINKLE: “Y’know, there’s alotta guys in this business who don’t know from nothin’ about mathematics. It’s sad, but ignoramusses is no defence. And you’d think … you’d THINK … that they’d seek out a book, or a tutor, or a calculatory machine of some kind, and wise up. You’d especially think that, if they name themselves after a mathematical function, they’d make double sure about this sort of thing instead of displaying said ignorance before the entire woild, but some folks, no matter how ya try and give ‘em room, just gotta show da ass dey are. Dey just gotta show!

“So, Facter, here’s a little sums for ya. Try and keep up, ya mental midget.

“No one’s dodgin’ nothin’ here, see? So what you said don’t add up, and your troubles is gonna multiply if youse don’t get wise! Your challenge is accepted, and once my boy MacElroy divides you limb from limb, you’re gonna spend weeks in da hospital IN SOME TRACTION! Are you list’n’in’ ta me, you pencil-necked geek? SOME TRACTION! And den, the ONLY function youse’ll be able to do, see, is your bodily functions! You want troubles?! Ya gottem!”