Best Friends

[Stu]

*** Once again, TERRY SCHNEIDER is seated in the interview room across from BARTHOLOMEW "BRAWLER" BECKETT as the lights go up. Schneider is dressed as professionally as always; Beckett is wearing a new three-piece suit with a flash waistcoat and a wide, old-fashioned tie, dapper as usual. His ever-present smirk is backed by the two belts cradled in his arms, the NWC WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP and the YOUR MOTHER'S CHAMPIONSHIP belts.***

TERRY SCHNEIDER: "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, I am your host, Terry Schneider. With me to day is Mr. Bartholomew Beckett-"

BARTHOLOMEW BECKETT: "Ah-hem."

TS: "... the NWC World Champion, Mr. Braw-"

BB: "Ah-HEM!"

TS: ***rolls his eyes*** "... the still-reigning Your Mother's Champion …"

BB: "And?"

TS: "... and the PWA Grand Rumble winner, Mr. Bartholomew Beckett. Mr. Beckett, welcome to the program."

BB: "Thank you, Terrance, though there is one title you are clearly unaware of."

TS: "There … is?"

BB: "Yes, but it is forgivable, as it is rather recent. You see, over the season's hiatus, I visited my ancestral Scottish homelands. Did you know that my mother's mother's mother was a wealthy landowner of Highland aristocracy?"

TS: "I … I'm still not sure I know that-"

BB: "It turns out that I am, by right, a Scottish lord."

TS: "..."

BB: "So you must add to my accolades, 'Bartholomew, Lord Beckett.' Or, for informal occasions, simply 'Lord Beckett.'"

TS: "You … you just spent $50 for a Scottish lordship online, didn't you?"

BB: "Tosh, ye brrrrrrrrigand. Ask your questions."

TS: *** looking both incredulous and a little sad *** "You … uh … I … " *** his notecards fall from his hands *** "How do you live with yourself, Lord Beckett?"

BB: "An astute question, good peon. It certainly isn't easy. So many duties come with so many titles for which to be responsible. I have interviews, appearances, such extensive travel, and along the way I must contend with those who would both honestly compete for that which I possess, and those who would take it by foul skulduggery.

"It is the second lot who worry me most. One would think that these titles can simply be taken, and many try. This often happens to the gifted and justly rewarded. Why, I have heard that, in one promotion, there is one poor fellow who is constantly hounded by wrestlers, celebrities, and janitors, each toating their own referee, hoping to pin him willie-nillie! Nonsense, of course. Not promotion would allow anything so stupid."

TS: "Um …"

BB: "However, I have, while visiting my old stomping grounds in Birmingham, I found a solution. I met my oldest and best friend from my childhood, one Arthur Solomon. He has always been a true friend. We came up in the same schools, on the same streets. We fought quite a few bullies together-”

TS: “Wait you fought bullies?”

BB: “Of course! Impertinent intellectual bastards, lording their high scores over us. A good drubbing, a snuggie or two … they soon learned their place. And those horrid athletical simpletons who hid behind being so clean-cut. The school will pay gloriously for your participation, yes?

“But I digress.

“Here, my formidable friend, my brother, here to watch my back as we always have, is Arthur Solomon!”

*** ARTHUR SOLOMAN strolls onto set, tucking away a flask in his vest pocket with a devilish grin. He stands about 6 ft 2, and heavy-set. He wears a wrinkled white dress shirt under a black vest. The sleeves are rolled to just below the elbow and the top two buttons of the shirt are undone. He's got wire frame glasses that rest on the end of his nose. He also has black slacks with black dress shoes. He stands at Becketts side looking down his nose into the camera at first then tilts his head forward and miles out the corner of his mouth.***

BB: “Arthur, so good of you to join us!”

*** Beckett stands, and the two men give each other a manly embrace, then Beckett turns back to Schneider. ***

BB: “Have you anything to ask him, Terrance?

TS: “Uh … Arthur … how was your flight … over?”

ARTHUR SOLOMON: “Yool be addressin’ me as ‘Mr. Solomon,’ right, mate? As for me flight here, There were some turbulence, right? Tha’ plane ratt’lin’ and bouncin’ like yer … well, you know, right? Like yer ... “ *** Nudges Beckett *** “Like ‘is …”

BB: “Like his mother?”

*** Both men throw their heads back and laugh heartily. As the walk out together, Solomon points back at Schneider, and they laugh harder. Once they are out of the camera shot, Schneider looks at the camera again. ***

TS: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is Terr-”

BB: *** From off-stage *** “His mother!”

*** More laughter. Schneider leans back into the chair in a huff, tossing the mic back over his shoulder. ***