Introducing: Mr. Marty Dinkle

[Stu]

*** TERRY SCHNEIDER sits beside MARTY DINKLE in the interview room. Dinkle is dressed in a shiny brown pinstripe 3-piece suit, brown bowler hat, his hook-handle cane, a genuine imitation diamond stick-pin in his lapel, nursing the best five-cent cigar money can buy. ***

TERRY SCHNEIDER: “Hello, PWA fans, I am Terry Schneider and in the hot-seat today is someone new to the PWA arena but well known to many fans, the manager of many formidable athletes and C.E.O. of Dinkle International Enterprises, one Mr. Marty Dinkle. Mr. Dinkle, welcome to PWA.”

MARTY DINKLE: “You’re welcome, Terry.”

TS: *** with an “Oh, it’s one of THOSE guys” look on his face *** “Well, uh, Mr. Dinkle, many of our fans know you from your work in other promotions, managing some of their talent, such as-”

MD: “‘Top talent;’ say it right, fellah.”

TS: *** with an “It IS one of those guys,” look on his face *** “TOP talent, excuse me, up in the North West-”

MD: “‘World wide.’ It’s ‘world wide.’ Didn’t you do any research?”

TS: “I-”

MD: “Allow me to enlighten you, m’boy. Dinkle International Enterprises is the world leader in the managing, nurturing, and promotion of the greatest athletic competitors in the world today. I offer such athletes training facilities, coaches, travel accommodations, handle all their paper work, and see to it that they get the proper exploitation.”

TS: “You see to it that they are properly exploited?”

MD: “Precisely, and top athletes have come through our doors, such as the living legend Gojira, the Kaiju of Professional Wrestling, Yuri Kruchiev, the Siberian Nightmare, NWC heavyweight championship inaugural competitor ‘Broadway’ Bobby Fame, ‘The Natural’ Kevin Starr, and former NWC heavyweight champ ‘Outlaw’ Billy Cody. Outside of pro wrestling, I have nurtured and exploited track and field sensation ‘Clean-Run’ Juice Jackson, football sensations Ibrahim Moizoos, Xmus Jaxon Flaxon-Waxon, Sequester Grundelplith M.D., The Player Formerly Known as Mousecop, and Donkey Teeth. One of my first successes was the all-time great and boxing champ, "Close-Shave" Harry Baldwin. I take talent from around the world, and introduce the world to my clients, their betters. It’s natural.”

TS: “Uh-huh. I notice there’s one name you haven-”

MD: “Did you ever hear about the time I personally wrestled Ni-”

TS: “What our fans really want to know is, what brings you to PWA? Are you making a move away from the North West promotion that-”

MD: “Oh, nonsense! The N**W has never been better! We are still going strong up there! I am merely expanding my operation, and brother, am I operating! The more astute of your viewership will have noticed, but I’ll point it out for your sake, that a few of my boys have made their way here to PWA from the N**W. They needed room to grow, but I have always felt badly about our having to part ways, depriving them and other athletes of my expertise and acumen. My presence here is merely an aggressive expansion of D.I.E., for the benefit of the boys.”

TS: “Well, Mr. Dinkle, the PWA has experienced ‘aggressive expansion’ with other promotions in the past, ill-advised in the opinion of many. You aren’t try-”

MD: “Mr. Black has nothing to fear from me. I am out to manage the best talent in the world, not play pitty-pat between promotions. And I resent the implication, Mr. Smarty-Pants I’ve-Got-A-Mic who probably got his journalism degree out of a box of Froot-Loops! This interview is over!”

*** Getting up in a huff, snatching up his cane and chewing his cigar, Marty Dinkle exits. ***

TS: “I wonder if Disney is hiring …”