The MIGHTY Coldsnakes demand JUSTICE!!

[Quillz]

***The scene opens on the windy rooftop lair of the Mighty Coldsnakes! Mighty Cobra and Mighty Anaconda strike heroic poses as the (actually quite strong) wind whips Cobra’s hair around his head heroically. A hero’s fanfare plays in the background as Cobra and Anaconda flex. After a moment, a small transistor tape deck whips by as the wind carries it flying off the roof. Cobra and Anaconda watch it go with a dejected shoulder slump. Their theme music can be heard faintly on the wind as their tape deck falls five stories to the concrete below. After a moment of awkward silence, Cobra jumps into the foreground and addresses the camera.***

COBRA: “Okay! Okay, okay… okay. So… Anaconda here tells me that at PWA Undaunted, your favorite super heroes, the Mighty Coldsnakes, were brutally ambushed by a dastardly duo of gigantic monster men. He tells me this… but honestly my memory is a bit fuzzy on the whole thing. I remember giving a kick-ass promo in the ring, demanding a match at the show… and I remember being rudely interrupted by… something. I remember the sun being blotted out by a gigantic shape. I remember a pair of meaty hands around my throat… then… nada. It’s all a blank.”

***Cobra scratches his head.***

COBRA: “But my man Anaconda here tells me that what ACTUALLY happened is that that giant turd sandwich from AGRABAH, Army of ONE, head-butted me so hard it sent me into the third row! And then Anaconda here had to fight both him and another big-ass ham sandwich named SHANE in a handicap match!”

***Cobra slaps Anaconda on the chest.***

COBRA: “I tell ya… the NERVE of those two water buffaloes! It’s one thing to challenge the Mighty Coldsnakes in a fair and heroic battle of biceps, but to SUCKER PUNCH me like that and then beat Anaconda here two-on-one? That’s just CRIMINAL! And you all know what the Mighty Coldsnakes do to criminals!”

***Cobra and Anaconda share a nod and strike a pose.***

COBRA: “We serve JUSTICE, and we do it on a platter of LIBERTY with a side order of bald eagle! You two Megalith hosers sure are tough when you have a two-on-one advantage, but what happens when the odds are even?! At Undaunted, I didn’t get a chance to show the world my gonads, so you better believe that at Battery I’m gonna get me a piece! So here’s the fact Jack! I challange either of you dill-wangs to a fight! One-on-one, either one of you erections verses the one-and-only Mighty Cobra! Let’s see what you can do when the odds are in MY favor!”

***Anaconda whispers in Cobra’s ear.***

COBRA: “Uh huh… uh huh… what do you mean that’s a really bad idea? Uh huh… what do you mean that each of them outweigh me by more than 200lbs? Uh huh… what do you mean that facing either one of them is career suicide? Sorry big guy… I’m just not following you.”

***Anaconda sighs and shakes his head as Cobra strikes a fearsome pose. Anaconda stares at him for a moment longer, shrugs, and strikes a matching pose.***

COBRA: “Prepare yourselves Megaliths! The MIGHTY Coldsnakes are on the case and at Battery, you are going to get yourselves manhandled by justice’s supple but firm fingers!”

***The Coldsnakes flex and the screen fades to black.***