"Afraid? ME!?"

[Stu]

***The PWA news desk, TERRY SCHNEIDER at the helm. Below him on the screen scrolls the crawl: “Suspected professional wrestler JUNIOR COBRA has been cleared by way of medical evidence of the paternity suit which he was served several weeks ago. COBRA: ‘The poor kid simply isn’t spectacular enough to be mine.’ Medical evidence presented indicated that COBRA has a scientifically remarkably low sperm count and a narrow urethra. When asked to comment on this latter art, COBRA quoted as saying, ‘HISSSSSSSS …’”***

TERRY SCHNEIDER: “Hello ladies and gentlemen, Terry Schneider here with an update on one of our matches for tomorrow night’s UNDAUNTED, that of the confrontation between the Hard Man from Glasgow, Robert MacElroy and D.I.E.’s own, the Spoiler III. Now you may recall that the Spoiler, backed by his manager, Marty Dinkle, contracted for a stipulation for this match, namely, making it a cage match. However, they then offered MacElroy his own choice of stipulation … and the Glaswegian accepted, selecting for his stipulation the condition that, if he wins the match, he gets five minutes alone in the cage with Marty Dinkle.

“Now, by dint of the way in which this opportunity was offered to MacElroy, D.I.E. has no choice but to accept, having essentially done so before hearing what it might be. We have, now, these words from the focal victim of his own business practices, Marty Dinkle.

***The screen wipes to MARTY DINKLE, pacing back and forth, puffing smoke like a steam engine, the four inches of ash on his cigar staying intact.***

MARTY DINKLE: “Dis … dis … I-I-I … oh, youuuuuuuuuu …

“Dis is why nobody likes Scotch-peoples, ya bunch o’ sneaky, supercilious scoundrels! No wonder yous needs guys like Beckett to take over every couple o’ hundreds o’ years! Dat isn’t even a real stipulation, you skirt-wearin’ maroon! It’s supPOSED ta be something in the actual match, ya idjit!

“But you know what? Dat’s fine! I ain’t scared! Ya know cuz why!? Because, DAT’s why! Youse gotta get past ds Spoiler first, bub, and dat’s dat! So me? I got nothing ta worry about! Ya hear me!? NOTHIN’!!!”


***Wipe back to Terry Schneider, professionally suppressing a smirk.***

TS: “Ladies and gentlemen, the ever calm and self-assured Marty Dinkle. That’s all for now, but stay on this channel or site for the latest updates, because anything can happen in the next twelve hours. I’m Terry Schneider; good night!”