In the hours before PWA Warfare... PWA presents... THE PRESHOW!!!
Posted: Sat Dec 12, 2020 8:47 pm
***Energetic theme music plays and the scene opens in the PWA Arena overlooking the in-construction PPV set for PWA Warfare. Prestige Wrestling Reporter Ronnie Stockholm and guest color analyst Junior Cobra are seated in the foreground at a desk emblazoned with the PWA Warfare logo. Stockholm stares suspiciously at Cobra.***
STOCKHOLM: "..."
COBRA: "..."
STOCKHOLM: "How did you get in the building?"
COBRA: "I never left Ronnie."
STOCKHOLM: "Sigh... ok. I guess we're doing this."
COBRA: "I am rock hard right now."
STOCKHOLM: "..."
COBRA: "You wanna feel m..."
STOCKHOLM: "ANYWAY, in just a few short hours, PWA will engage in all out WARFARE as the wrestlers of the Prestige Wrestling Association clash in the most cataclysmic, destructive supercard event in wrestling history! And all throughout the evening, we will be providing you with in-depth looks at some of the rivalries that have lead us to the edge of this barbwire-lined abyss!"
COBRA: "That's right Ronnie! We're only a short time away from the bowel-loosening impact known by our financial department as the winter-quarter fiscal-year pay-per view!! I hope you're wearing your depends Stockholm, because when the brown-note that is PWA WAREFARE is unleashed, no pair of BVDs will be safe!"
STOCKHOLM: "That's... that's right, uh, Cobra! For weeks we have seen rivalries play out on Assault. Boundaries have been crossed, pride has been injured, and injustices have been committed that only the mortal combat of all out war can settle! If I'm not mistaken, one such rivalry involves you Junior Cobra."
COBRA: "..."
STOCKHOLM: "Cobra?"
COBRA: "I'm not following you."
STOCKHOLM: "Well, you and your partner Giant Anaconda are going to be fighting this evening in a climactic tag team affair. Care to... weigh in on that?"
COBRA: "..."
STOCKHOLM: "Care to.. um... comment on..."
COBRA: "I have a match tonight?!"
STOCKHOLM: "Uh yes... you are... the Coldsnakes are taking on the Masked Saboteurs in... I think you're in the opening match."
COBRA: "Shut your mouth! Nobody told me!"
STOCKHOLM: "Cobra... there has been promotional material circulating for weeks with your name on the card. Just last week Gary Bloomfield announced..."
COBRA: "Nah I'm just messing with you Ronnie. Yeah, me and Anaconda are totally ready for tonight's match! The FIERCE and DEADLY Coldsnakes are so gonna beat the holy living piss-juice out of those twin losers!"
STOCKHOLM: "You sound pretty confident Cobra. While the Masked Saboteurs haven't had a perfect win-loss record here in PWA, they are known globally for their intense, smash-mouth style and have amassed numerous accolades from organizations around the world, including a very potent stint in iNCW. They are coming off of a less than spectacular run at the 6-man titles, and have a nasty chip on their shoulders. Are you sure that you and Giant Anaconda have a gameplan to overcome their size and arguable power advantage?"
COBRA: "Oh please Ronnie... the Coldsnakes have been around the block a few times and have a few tricks up our sleeves that the Saboteurs can't possibly be prepared for. You see... we have an ace in the hole. You may not have noticed this but... me and Giant Anaconda both wear MASKS. Masks that hide our identities and let us swap places in the ring during moments of confusion without the referee noticing a thing! With these masks... we are practically IDENTICAL. That gives us the kind of advantage that our opponents could only DREAM of!"
STOCKHOLM: "Your... 'masks'... give you an advantage over the completely IDENTICAL... MASKED Saboteurs?"
COBRA: "Yes."
STOCKHOLM: "And... you and Anaconda... because of your masks... are completely indistinguishable from each other?"
COBRA: "Like twins freshly squirted out from the womb."
STOCKHOLM: "Well... who can argue with ironclad logic like that."
COBRA: "I know right?"
STOCKHOLM: "Well... I certainly wish you the best of luck in tonight's encounter. I assume... you're going to have to go and get ready for your match now?"
COBRA: "Nah, I'm good. I shotgunned two five-hour energies about forty-five minutes ago. That means I've got at least 9 hours of energy left before my nap. I wanna hang around and help you with your commentary."
STOCKHOLM: "Oh... well, lucky me. At any rate, we certainly have a lot more to analyze here tonight... so stay tuned as we continue to count down the hours till PWA Warfare! Don't change that channel, there's plenty more to come after the break!"
(TO BE CONTINUED)
STOCKHOLM: "..."
COBRA: "..."
STOCKHOLM: "How did you get in the building?"
COBRA: "I never left Ronnie."
STOCKHOLM: "Sigh... ok. I guess we're doing this."
COBRA: "I am rock hard right now."
STOCKHOLM: "..."
COBRA: "You wanna feel m..."
STOCKHOLM: "ANYWAY, in just a few short hours, PWA will engage in all out WARFARE as the wrestlers of the Prestige Wrestling Association clash in the most cataclysmic, destructive supercard event in wrestling history! And all throughout the evening, we will be providing you with in-depth looks at some of the rivalries that have lead us to the edge of this barbwire-lined abyss!"
COBRA: "That's right Ronnie! We're only a short time away from the bowel-loosening impact known by our financial department as the winter-quarter fiscal-year pay-per view!! I hope you're wearing your depends Stockholm, because when the brown-note that is PWA WAREFARE is unleashed, no pair of BVDs will be safe!"
STOCKHOLM: "That's... that's right, uh, Cobra! For weeks we have seen rivalries play out on Assault. Boundaries have been crossed, pride has been injured, and injustices have been committed that only the mortal combat of all out war can settle! If I'm not mistaken, one such rivalry involves you Junior Cobra."
COBRA: "..."
STOCKHOLM: "Cobra?"
COBRA: "I'm not following you."
STOCKHOLM: "Well, you and your partner Giant Anaconda are going to be fighting this evening in a climactic tag team affair. Care to... weigh in on that?"
COBRA: "..."
STOCKHOLM: "Care to.. um... comment on..."
COBRA: "I have a match tonight?!"
STOCKHOLM: "Uh yes... you are... the Coldsnakes are taking on the Masked Saboteurs in... I think you're in the opening match."
COBRA: "Shut your mouth! Nobody told me!"
STOCKHOLM: "Cobra... there has been promotional material circulating for weeks with your name on the card. Just last week Gary Bloomfield announced..."
COBRA: "Nah I'm just messing with you Ronnie. Yeah, me and Anaconda are totally ready for tonight's match! The FIERCE and DEADLY Coldsnakes are so gonna beat the holy living piss-juice out of those twin losers!"
STOCKHOLM: "You sound pretty confident Cobra. While the Masked Saboteurs haven't had a perfect win-loss record here in PWA, they are known globally for their intense, smash-mouth style and have amassed numerous accolades from organizations around the world, including a very potent stint in iNCW. They are coming off of a less than spectacular run at the 6-man titles, and have a nasty chip on their shoulders. Are you sure that you and Giant Anaconda have a gameplan to overcome their size and arguable power advantage?"
COBRA: "Oh please Ronnie... the Coldsnakes have been around the block a few times and have a few tricks up our sleeves that the Saboteurs can't possibly be prepared for. You see... we have an ace in the hole. You may not have noticed this but... me and Giant Anaconda both wear MASKS. Masks that hide our identities and let us swap places in the ring during moments of confusion without the referee noticing a thing! With these masks... we are practically IDENTICAL. That gives us the kind of advantage that our opponents could only DREAM of!"
STOCKHOLM: "Your... 'masks'... give you an advantage over the completely IDENTICAL... MASKED Saboteurs?"
COBRA: "Yes."
STOCKHOLM: "And... you and Anaconda... because of your masks... are completely indistinguishable from each other?"
COBRA: "Like twins freshly squirted out from the womb."
STOCKHOLM: "Well... who can argue with ironclad logic like that."
COBRA: "I know right?"
STOCKHOLM: "Well... I certainly wish you the best of luck in tonight's encounter. I assume... you're going to have to go and get ready for your match now?"
COBRA: "Nah, I'm good. I shotgunned two five-hour energies about forty-five minutes ago. That means I've got at least 9 hours of energy left before my nap. I wanna hang around and help you with your commentary."
STOCKHOLM: "Oh... well, lucky me. At any rate, we certainly have a lot more to analyze here tonight... so stay tuned as we continue to count down the hours till PWA Warfare! Don't change that channel, there's plenty more to come after the break!"
(TO BE CONTINUED)