Introducing PWA Main Event Crunch! The OFFICIAL breakfast cereal of your favorite wrestling promotion!!!!

[Quillz]

PWA Cereal Promo

START COMMERCIAL

***The scene opens at a breakfast table in a bland looking suburban household. A tired-looking brother and sister sit with their shoulders slumped as their mom puts cereal bowls down in front of them. A pipe-smoking father sits at the end of the table reading a newspaper. The boy and girl sigh as their mom pours generic breakfast flakes into their bowls.***

BOY: “Ugh... not breakfast flakes again.”

GIRL: “Yeah, our cereal is always SO boring.”

MOTHER: “Now now kids... breakfast is supposed to be nutritious, not exciting. Eat up quick or you’ll be late for the bus.”

GIRL: “With a breakfast this dull, I won’t have the energy to get me through the day.”

BOY: “I wish our breakfast could be exciting and action packed.”

GIRL: “Yeah, like PWA Assault!”

***Their father chuckles under his breath.***

FATHER: “Oh you silly kids. You can’t have PWA wrestlers for breakfast.”

ANNOUNCER: “OH YES YOU CAN!”

FATHER: “The hell was that?”

***Suddenly the wall of the kitchen explodes, sending debris flying around the room. The father’s newspaper is blown in his face.***

FATHER: “HOLY SHI-“

***PWA Heavyweight Champion Tiger Gold bursts through the destroyed wall and roars mightily into the camera!***

BOY & GIRL: “TIGER GOLD!!!”

MOTHER: “AAAAAHHHHHH!!!”

ANNOUNCER: “Yes kids, now you can enjoy all the excitement of your favorite PWA programming in one action packed breakfast cereal!”

***Tiger Gold brandishes a brightly-colored gold and purple box of PWA Main Event Crunch cereal. He thrusts it toward the camera as the sound of crashing thunder echoes through the air.

TIGER GOLD: “Now YOU can start your day with the action-packed energy of PWA Main Event Crunch! It’s bursting with the legendary strength and fighting spirit of warriors past! When you bite into a spoonful of Main Event Crunch, you dine on the souls of our immortal ancestors!”

FATHER: “What... what the hell is going on here?”

MOTHER: “Our wall!”

ANNOUNCER: “PWA Main Event Crunch has all the excitement of your favorite Prestige Wrestlers! Featuring crunchy golden crowns made with all-natural toasted Wyld Oats and packed with delicious marshmallows featuring all of your PWA favorites!”

***Tiger Gold jams his meaty hand into the box and pulls out a handful of garishly-colored marshmallows.***

TIGER GOLD: “Look children, golden PWA championship belts, Derrik Arzon lightning bolts, Richard Pennyworth Dollar signs, Brawler Beckett brass knuckles, AMX... uh... X’s, and my personal favorite, little orange-flavored Tiger masks!”

BOY: “Wow! There’s a battle royal in every box!”

ANNOUNCER: “It’s good and good for you! Enjoy PWA Main Event Crunch alongside toast, juice, eggs, milk, fresh fruit, lean meat, and various vitamins and mineral supplements as part of a complete breakfast!”

***Tiger Gold turns the box and looks at the nutritional information.***

TIGER GOLD: “PWA Main Event Crunch provides you with 100% of your daily recommended allotment of... um... of... good lord there is a lot of sugar in here.”

ANNOUNCER: “Enough to give you the energy to bodyslam your morning routine down for the three count!”

TIGER GOLD: “I.. don’t know what these ingredients are. What is ‘yellow 110’?”

ANNOUNCER: “PWA heroes like Tiger Gold start every morning with a healthy bowl of PWA Main Event Crunch!”

***A hand off-screen pushes a bowl of PWA Main Event Crunch into Tiger Gold’s mighty hands. The masked wrestler looks down at the bowl and whispers off-camera.***

TIGER GOLD: (whispering) “I’m not eating this.”

ANNOUNCER: “Get yours today at local retailers! PWA Main Event Crunch, power packed excitement in every bowl!”

***The camera zooms on Tiger Gold who gives a forced-looking smile and a thumbs up.***

TIGER GOLD: “What, uh... what he said.”

BOY & GIRL: “YEAHHHH!!!”

***End commercial.***