NOBODY PANIC... Junior Cobra has been found.
Posted: Wed Nov 27, 2019 12:04 am
***The scene opens backstage at the PWA Arena. Giant Anaconda II, Lance Steamer, and Wyatt Sharpe are all crowded around a piece of paper taped to the hallway wall. The paper has the recently-announced Assault match match schedule on it. Anaconda notices that the schedule lists a match featuring The Coldsnakes taking on The Masked Shooter and Derrick Arzon. Anaconda’s shoulders slump. Lance Steamer pats the gigantic man on the shoulder.***
STEAMER: “Well... at least we know Black hasn’t fired Cobra yet.”
SHARPE: “Yeah. We’ll just uh... keep his spot warm for him until he comes back. You want to uh... play paper rock scissors to decide who wears the mask at Assault?”
COBRA: “I love paper rock scissors. Can I be rock?”
***The three look down to see that Junior Cobra is causally standing between them, a shiny mop of long luxurious hair hanging down to his shoulders.***
SHARPE: “What the hell?!”
STEAMER: “Where did you come from?!”
***Anaconda scoops Cobra up in his massive arms and squeezes him into a desperate hug.***
SHARPE: “What’s up with your hair?”
STEAMER: “Well he’s been gone for a couple months. It’s probably grown out.”
SHARPE: “Hair does NOT grow nine inches in two months.”
***Anaconda holds Cobra out at arms length and looks him over.***
STEAMER: “Where the hell have you been?”
***Just then, an exasperated looking Tiger Gold walks up to the four men. He sighs.***
GOLD: “I believe I can answer that question. You see, after the sordid events in Agrabah, it quickly became clear that Junior Cobra did not make the trip back to the states with the rest of the PWA crew. Fearing for his safety, I traveled across the sea to conduct a rescue operation. Upon arrival, I discovered that Junior Cobra was being held for crimes against God and science, and was scheduled for a public flogging. Using all of my fighting spirit, I was able to liberate Junior Cobra from his captors. There was a mighty battle. Many men were clotheslined. In the end, by the grace of the immortals, I was victorious.”
***The three just stare dumbfounded.***
STEAMER: “No kidding? A full-on international rescue mission? Why didn’t you tell us? We could have come with you to help!”
GOLD: “Do not take offense... but I would rather die, broken and bleeding on foreign soil than spend a 16 hour plane flight with any of you.”
SHARPE: “That’s fair.”
COBRA: “But man, you guys should have seen it! Tiger Gold was like a freakin’ superhero out there! Agrabah’s entire national guard is made up of wrestlers so, ya know, it was in his wheelhouse, but man, you should have seen him! It was inspiring! He gorilla pressed so many guys over his head. I could literally hear the heroic music playing in the background while he was kicking ass!”
GOLD: “He is telling the truth. The embassy had American 80s power ballads playing on their P.A. system on loop.”
***Cobra turns and slaps Anaconda in the chest.***
COBRA: “I’m telling you big guy, this was legit super hero action! I’ve never seen anything so heroic and stuff! In fact, it’s inspired me to turn over a new leaf. From now on big man... you and me, we’re gonna be superheroes like Tiger Gold! We’re gonna defend the defenseless, justify the unjustified! This is our ticket to an amazing new life! I can’t wait!”
***Cobra dramatically flips his luscious head of hair.***
STEAMER: “What’s going on with your hair?”
COBRA: “What do you mean?”
STEAMER: “It’s like... a foot longer than it was two months ago.”
COBRA: “My hair grows nine inches every month. It’s a disorder.”
STEAMER: “...”
GOLD: “...”
ANACONDA: “...”
SHARPE: “Well then... um... it’s good to have you back. We were all really worried.”
COBRA: “Its good to BE back! The Coldsnakes are back in PWA, and we’re here to save the day! Now... first order of business. We have a number-one contendership to cash in!”
SHARPE: “...”
STEAMER: “...”
ANACONDA: “...”
GOLD: “Well then... I shall leave you four to it. It has been too long since Tiger Gold has strode the halls of the PWA Arena. There is dastardly work afoot here, and the time has come for the villainy of PWA to face a true immortal.”
***Tiger Gold strides away with purpose. Cobra beams after him.***
COBRA: “Anybody else here just... like... rock hard? Man... gives me chills.”
***Steamer and Sharpe shudder visibly as Anaconda nods.***
STEAMER: “Well... at least we know Black hasn’t fired Cobra yet.”
SHARPE: “Yeah. We’ll just uh... keep his spot warm for him until he comes back. You want to uh... play paper rock scissors to decide who wears the mask at Assault?”
COBRA: “I love paper rock scissors. Can I be rock?”
***The three look down to see that Junior Cobra is causally standing between them, a shiny mop of long luxurious hair hanging down to his shoulders.***
SHARPE: “What the hell?!”
STEAMER: “Where did you come from?!”
***Anaconda scoops Cobra up in his massive arms and squeezes him into a desperate hug.***
SHARPE: “What’s up with your hair?”
STEAMER: “Well he’s been gone for a couple months. It’s probably grown out.”
SHARPE: “Hair does NOT grow nine inches in two months.”
***Anaconda holds Cobra out at arms length and looks him over.***
STEAMER: “Where the hell have you been?”
***Just then, an exasperated looking Tiger Gold walks up to the four men. He sighs.***
GOLD: “I believe I can answer that question. You see, after the sordid events in Agrabah, it quickly became clear that Junior Cobra did not make the trip back to the states with the rest of the PWA crew. Fearing for his safety, I traveled across the sea to conduct a rescue operation. Upon arrival, I discovered that Junior Cobra was being held for crimes against God and science, and was scheduled for a public flogging. Using all of my fighting spirit, I was able to liberate Junior Cobra from his captors. There was a mighty battle. Many men were clotheslined. In the end, by the grace of the immortals, I was victorious.”
***The three just stare dumbfounded.***
STEAMER: “No kidding? A full-on international rescue mission? Why didn’t you tell us? We could have come with you to help!”
GOLD: “Do not take offense... but I would rather die, broken and bleeding on foreign soil than spend a 16 hour plane flight with any of you.”
SHARPE: “That’s fair.”
COBRA: “But man, you guys should have seen it! Tiger Gold was like a freakin’ superhero out there! Agrabah’s entire national guard is made up of wrestlers so, ya know, it was in his wheelhouse, but man, you should have seen him! It was inspiring! He gorilla pressed so many guys over his head. I could literally hear the heroic music playing in the background while he was kicking ass!”
GOLD: “He is telling the truth. The embassy had American 80s power ballads playing on their P.A. system on loop.”
***Cobra turns and slaps Anaconda in the chest.***
COBRA: “I’m telling you big guy, this was legit super hero action! I’ve never seen anything so heroic and stuff! In fact, it’s inspired me to turn over a new leaf. From now on big man... you and me, we’re gonna be superheroes like Tiger Gold! We’re gonna defend the defenseless, justify the unjustified! This is our ticket to an amazing new life! I can’t wait!”
***Cobra dramatically flips his luscious head of hair.***
STEAMER: “What’s going on with your hair?”
COBRA: “What do you mean?”
STEAMER: “It’s like... a foot longer than it was two months ago.”
COBRA: “My hair grows nine inches every month. It’s a disorder.”
STEAMER: “...”
GOLD: “...”
ANACONDA: “...”
SHARPE: “Well then... um... it’s good to have you back. We were all really worried.”
COBRA: “Its good to BE back! The Coldsnakes are back in PWA, and we’re here to save the day! Now... first order of business. We have a number-one contendership to cash in!”
SHARPE: “...”
STEAMER: “...”
ANACONDA: “...”
GOLD: “Well then... I shall leave you four to it. It has been too long since Tiger Gold has strode the halls of the PWA Arena. There is dastardly work afoot here, and the time has come for the villainy of PWA to face a true immortal.”
***Tiger Gold strides away with purpose. Cobra beams after him.***
COBRA: “Anybody else here just... like... rock hard? Man... gives me chills.”
***Steamer and Sharpe shudder visibly as Anaconda nods.***