What has gotten into Derrik Arzon (literally)?

[Quillz]

***The scene opens shortly after the Tiger Gold vs Kevin Starr match at PWA Battery. In the locker room, Derrik Arzon is pacing back and forth and shaking. Sweat drips from his brow and he has a queasy look on his face.***

ARZON: “What the hell got into me out there? I don’t have anything against Kevin Starr! I just... I just saw red. I couldn’t help myself!”

***Just then, Mighty Cobra walks into the locker room.***

COBRA: “Hey D-bag! How’s it hanging? Man... you don’t look so good. You feeling alright champ?”

***Arzon looks at Cobra and sighs.***

ARZON: “No I’m not feeling alright! I just ran in on that match and tried to beat the hell out of Kevin Starr! I don’t know what got into me. I was just back here doing my warmups then suddenly I got all hyped up. I saw the match on the monitor and I totally lost it! I embarrassed myself in front of the world!”

COBRA: “Yeah... yeah that’s rough. I feel for ya kid. You might not believe it, but once I did something embarrassing in public too.”

ARZON: “You do something embarrassing in public every day of the year!”

***Arzon puts his fingers to his temples and lets out a heavy breath.***

ARZON: “SORRY! Sorry... it’s just I’m really messed up about what happened out there. It’s like I was on something... my memory of the whole thing is all fuzzy now.”

COBRA: “Yeah... drinking untested workout supplements will do that to ya.”

ARZON: “What? I didn’t drink any untested... supplements. All I have here is my sports bottle of Gatorade.”

***Arzon looks down at his unattended bottle of lime Gatorade, sitting half-drank with its cap off on a nearby bench. Arzon looks hard at the bottle, and then, with wide eyes, over at Mighty Cobra.***

ARZON: “Oh hell what did you do?!”

***Cobra shrugs and produces what appears to be a black canister of supplement powder with strange foreign writing on it.***

COBRA: “Well I mean, *I’m* not going to try untested workout supplements myself. You think I’m crazy?”

ARZON: “Did... did you spike my Gatorade?? What the hell is that?”

COBRA: “Beats me. Found it in a sparkly pink gym bag over there in the corner. Looked like potent stuff. Maybe it belongs to one of the girls? It’s all glittery and...”

***Cobra tosses the glistening bag over to Arzon.***

ARZON: “Oh heck... I need to go to the hospital. I’m... I’m gonna throw up.”

***Just then, Titus Love bursts into the locker room. He takes one look at Arzon and sneers.***

TITUS: “What the hell are you doing here Derrik Arzon? And what are you doing with my gym bag?”

***Titus yanks the bag from Arzon’s grasp. He looks over at Mighty Cobra and sees the canister tucked under his arm.***

TITUS: “My suppliments!”

ARZON: “YOUR suppliments?”

TITUS: “Do you have ANY idea how expensive that jar you’re holding is? Get your grubby little mitts off of...”

***Titus grabs the jar from from Cobra.***

TITUS: “Wait a minute... this is half empty! That was a three month supply!”

ARZON: “Three month supply??”

COBRA: “Seemed thick didn’t it?”

ARZON: “Titus... just what... uh, what was in that jar?”

TITUS: “What was in that jar? Only the finest exotic ingredients from the jungles of Argentina! There’s musk ox extract...”

ARZON: “...and?”

TITUS: “Mainly that.”

***Arzon looks desperately at Cobra.***

ARZON: “You spiked my Gatorade with a THREE MONTH supply of musk ox extract?”

COBRA: “You know, the fact that you couldn’t taste the difference really says more about you than me.”

TITUS: “Are you telling me that you drank half my supply of supplement powder Arzon? How DARE you?! You owe me three hundred dollars!”

ARZON: “WHY are you paying three hundred dollars for musk ox extract!”

TITUS: “I pay a premium BECAUSE it’s hard to come by! Do you know how dangerous it is to milk a male musk ox when it’s in season?!”

ARZON: “Milk a... oh dear lord...”

***Cobra sniffs Arzon’s mostly filmy Gatorade bottle.***

COBRA: “hmm... spunky.”

ARZON: “I have to go to the hospital... NOW.”

***Arzon pushes past Titus Love and runs chest first into Tiger Gold as the masked wrestler unexpectedly enters the locker room.***

GOLD: “Ah... Derrik Arzon. I’m glad I found you here. Listen... while I appreciate your warrior’s spirit... as an honorable competitor in the arena of the immortals, I must insist that in the future, you refrain from insanely assaulting my opponent mid-match. It is unbecoming of a warrior of your fortitude.”

ARZON: “Oh man, I am so sorry Mr. Gold. I wasn’t in control of myself. Cobra here... he... he spiked my drink with ox sweat.”

TITUS: “Not sweat... extract.”

ARZON: “Stop helping!”

COBRA: “Hey Gold... I couldn’t help but notice that when D-Bag here attacked Starr in your match, that sure didn’t stop you from beating the tar out of old Kev. Didn’t seem all that heroic of you.”

GOLD: “That was regrettable yes... but alas, when the fighting spirit seizes hold of my warrior soul, I am helpless to stop it. A battle engaged must be fought to its conclusion. It is the way of the immortal.”

COBRA: “It is a heavy burden we bear.”

ARZON: “Anyone else in here feel warm?”

***Just then, Kevin Starr bursts into the locker room. He looks furiously from Gold to Arzon to Cobra to Titus. He settles on Arzon and shoves a baseball-mitt-sized hand into his chest.***

STARR: “What gives brother? Where the hell do you get off throwing shade at Kevin Starr’s party? The Starr-man was out there putting on the show of shows for all his adoring ladies in the audience... and you came running out and totally killed the whole party’s vibe! NOT cool my dude!”

ARZON: “I know you’re not going to believe me Kevin... but I didn’t mean to do that. It was this stuff! It made me go nuts out there.”

***Starr grabs the black jar and uncorks it. He takes a sniff of the powder inside and wrinkles his nose.***

STARR: “Dang brother... what the hell is that. It smells like...”

COBRA: “Go on, say it.”

TITUS: “I don’t need to stay here and listen to you insult my proven and completely natural workout supplements. I’m out of here. Give me that.”

***Titus grabs for the jar, which Starr yanks up and out of his reach.***

STARR: “Hold-up hot pants. I’m not done dealing with Arzon here.”

***He turns to Arzon and points a massive finger at the young wrestler.***

STARR: “In the future... stay out of my matches or we are gonna have a problem, ya dig?”

ARZON: “Absolutely. I hear ya loud and clear.”

***Starr sniffs the jar again and raises an eyebrow.***

STARR: “I’ll uh... just be keeping this. For my trouble.”

***Starr turns and exits the locker room, jar in hand.***

TITUS: “My supplements!”

GOLD: “He has very large hands.”

COBRA: “Enormous.”

***Titus turns and shakes a fist at Arzon.***

TITUS: “You’ll pay for this Derrik Arzon! I swear you will!”

ARZON: “Three hundred dollars... I got it.”

TITUS: “With INTEREST! This isn’t over! Now get out of my way.”

***Titus shoves past Arzon and Gold and stomps away angrily. Cobra puts his hands on his hip.***

COBRA: “And so, the day is once again saved by the Mighty Coldsnakes. No need to thank me citizens. It’s all in a day’s work.”

***He slaps Arzon on the back. Arzon puts his hands over his mouth and makes a retching sound. He stumbles out of the locker room and down the hall. Gold watches him go, a look of confusion on his face. He turns and looks as if he is about to say something...and suddenly realizes he is alone in the locker room with Mighty Cobra. Gold quickly walks out of the locker room without saying another word. Cobra strikes a heroic pose.***

COBRA: “...hiss...”