Damion Black DARES to enter the lair of the FIERCE and DEADLY Coldsnakes...

[Quillz]

***The scene opens in the generator room ‘lair’ of the FIERCE and DEADLY Coldsnakes. Junior Cobra and Giant Anaconda are seated on an old, threadbare couch playing Nintendo Wii on a cracked 14” tube television. The air is thick with the manly musk of unwashed spandex. The door to the green-tinted room opens and PWA owner Damion Black steps through the threshold and makes his way down the stairs into the basement-like room. He sighs as he eyes a stack of empty Little Caesar’s pizza boxes on the floor next to a scattering of 2-liter RC Cola bottles and used, dollar-store Solo cups. Cobra looks up and waves.***
 
COBRA: “Oh hey boss-man. Welcome to our secret lair, slash hideout, slash super-boss mega arcade and fun emporium. Have a seat. Anaconda and me are in the middle of a Mario Kart tourney and you can play winner.”

BLACK: “You... could not possibly pay me enough money to sit down on that couch.”

COBRA: “Suit yourself. So what’s up Mr. Black?”

***Black looks around the room and shakes his head.***
 
BLACK:  “Junior, why can’t you an Anaconda use the dressing rooms to change like everybody else?”

COBRA: “To change?”

BLACK: “Yes, to change.”

COBRA: “I’m not following you.”

BLACK: “To change clothes... get into your ring gear?”

***Cobra looks down at his one and only pair of shorts and boots.***

COBRA: “Still not following you.”

BLACK:  “Ugh... okay, new topic.  Cobra, the reason I’m here is that I have a question for you... and I want you to think very hard about your answer before you give it to me, okay?”

COBRA: “...think very hard?”

BLACK: “. Oh for the love of... listen, what in the HELL are you doing at iNCW?”
 
COBRA: “Eye... en... see... ?”

BLACK: “iNCW! Our sister promotion! What the hell are you up to, blindsiding wrestlers? Picking fights? Making a nuisance of yourself?”

COBRA: “Pretty much those things yeah.”
 
***Black raises his hands to throttle Cobra... then sighs and takes a deliberate breath.***

BLACK:  “Let me explain something to you.  I have had KB Kronic breathing down my neck as to why a PWA contracted wrestler has been interrupting his shows and attacking his superstars.  You have that locker room so worked up that some of his guys are talking about another invasion! There is a rumor that they are going to show up on Assault before that happens.  Do you see the problem here? You are causing an incident that will have serious ramifications. And you’re doing all without clearing anything with me and I want to know why.”
 
COBRA: “Now hold on a second. This isn’t nearly as bad as you... waitaminute. You’re mad because I didn’t ask for permission?”

BLACK: “Well in part, YES.”

COBRA: “Oh oh ok... well can I have permission to go and knock some heads down in that... whatayacallit... iCUP?”

***Black steps back and his eyes go wide.***

BLACK: “No you sure as hell may not!”

COBRA: “And see that’s why I didn’t ask.
 
BLACK:  “Let’s try this again.  Give me a straight, honest answer this time.  What.  Are.  You.  Doing.  At.  iNCW?”
 
***Cobra and Anaconda exchange a look. Anaconda shrugs, and Cobra nods. He turns back to Black.***

COBRA: “Okay okay okay... so this one night there’s nothing on TV see? It’s been a long day and I just finished an entire two-liter of Mountain Dew Gamer Fuel and I’m wired to the nines. It’s like... two in the morning and I can’t sleep a wink. So I turn on the TV and there’s this rerun broadcast of this wrestling show. So I watch it. And wouldn’t you know it, these two jokers show up on the screen calling themselves the COLDBLOODS. They’re these two jacked-up muscle-heads! They aren’t even wearing masks! But damned if they ain’t infringing the hell out of our intellectual property!”

BLACK: “I’m... honestly surprised you knew those words.”

COBRA: “So ya know, we can’t let that monkey crap fly! Me and Anaconda, we head down to their little promotion, ready to take ass and kick names... but here’s the thing... guys without masks all look the same to me. So I beat on this guy that sorta looks like maybe he’s one of those fakers. Maybe it was him, maybe it wasn’t. Nobody knows... least of all me. So me and Anaconda, we keep beating on jabronies, figuring that SOME of these losers must be those Coldblood guys. One thing leads to another, and here we are, ya know?”
 
BLACK:  “………..Really?  That’s it?  This is all about... what? TRADEMARK INFRINGEMENT? Cobra, did it not occur to you that there are other avenues that can be taken?  Have you sought legal council?  Did you confront KB with your concerns?  Did you ask me for advice?  Don’t bother answering, I know none of those thoughts crossed your mind.”

***Black runs his fingers through his hair and begins pacing.***

BLACK: “Well, it’s out of my hands now.  My hands are officially tied. I am stepping back. You are officially at the mercy of KB and whatever he decides to do to you when you appear at iNCW.  I can’t protect you there.  You are going to have to see this through because I will not have PWA losing face on your behalf, but make no mistake: you are on your own.  Are we clear?”
 
COBRA: “I do have one question.”

BLACK: “What aren’t you clear about?”

COBRA: “How can something be both out of your hands, and also be tying your hands together?”

***Damion opens his mouth to respond... then closes it. He exhales slowly... and leaves, shaking his head.  The Coldsnakes watch him go. After Black leaves, Cobra turns to Giant Anaconda.***

COBRA: “Well... you heard the man Anaconda. He was kind of all over the place there but that’s okay. He’s a passionate dude. But I can read between the line and think it’s pretty clear what we need to do next.”

***Anaconda smacks his fist into his palm and nods.***

COBRA: “You said it big guy. Damion Black wants us to invade iNCW... with the full blessing of PWA.”

***Anaconda pauses for a second... tilts his head to think... then nods in agreement.***

COBRA: “Oh it’s on like Donkey Kong brother! As soon as we finish this Rainbow Road course. Damn blue shells...”

***The Coldsnakes return to their video game. Cobra selects Bowser while Anaconda chooses Princess Peach.***

COBRA: “Tell you what, Big Man. Things are FINALLY going our way. Last season, we showed those Union guys that nobody messes with the Coldsnakes. That was the confidence booster we needed. And THIS season we are totally running away with all the gold and glory. We are gonna find those Coldblood identity thieves, and when we do... we are going to beat them within an inch of their lives. AND we’re going to do it fast too. No way those pretenders are going to get a better time than us in the Beat the Clock challenge. Those tag-titles are ours!”

***Anaconda cocks his head and whispers something to Junior Cobra.***

COBRA: “What do you mean the Coldbloods aren’t in PWA and aren’t part of the tag title tournament?”

***Anaconda whispers something else into Cobra’a ear.***

COBRA: “What do you mean the Beat the Clock tournament is only between us, the Samoan Storm, the Wyld Family, and Lassiter and Shooter?”

***Anaconda whispers again.***

COBRA: “What do you mean we’ve been wasting our time jacking our cranks in iNCW instead of paying attention to Assault and what our tournament opponents are doing?”

***Anaconda shrugs and whispers again.***

COBRA: “What do you mean I don’t need to narrate everything you say back to you?”

***Anaconda shakes his head as Princess Peach blasts past Bowser to take first place in the Mushroom Cup. Cobra nods and puts down the Wiimote.***

COBRA: “Okay, okay... I see what you’re yankin’ at Big Man. No more games. We’ve got to get serious. COLDBLOODS, we are coming for you! And, and... all you other tag team guys in the tournament had better watch your backs too! Because, once again, we’re invoking HIGHLANDER RULES up in this house party! That means that when those COLDBLOODS go down... BAM. We get their gear. They have sweet tights and you had better believe I’m gonna have those bad boys sized down. And THEN we’ll use the mythical PWA Arena “changing room”. And THEN we will be TWICE the Coldsnakes. We will be the COLDBLOODSNAKES. And then all you all in the Beat the Clock Tournament will get your asses boxed, gift-wrapped, and HANDED to you! And, and, and... anybody who ain’t watching iNCW is missing out on some bonafide Coldsnakes goodness! Cause... we’re there too! And Pantaro too I think. And maybe some other guys! Tune in and find out! Maybe!”

***Cobra flexes mightily turns over their messy coffee table with a primal scream. He loudly hulks up and bounds energetically out of the room. Anaconda just watches him go and sighs. Fade to black.***