The camera opens to KB Kronic leaning against a chain link fence. With a puzzled look on his face he thumbs through his phone seemingly talking to himself. He looks up at the camera clearly acting stunned.
"Oh hey! I didn't hear you guys come up? I was just trying to find ANYTHING about my opponent in this Death Match Tournament and I can't find a damn thing."
He continues to thumb through and search with the screen reflecting off his face.
"I mean did this dude get the bi in EVERY round leading up to the semi finals? Like what the Hell? Anyways, I'm not gonna waste time running my mouth and telling the PWA fans how bad I'm gonna destroy yet another one of their prized talents... Realistically yall already know what I'm gonna do and I wouldn't have to tell you."
KB walks on the other side of the fence and runs a stick across it making the fence clang and rattle.
"So I'm just gonna take my opponents face, fingers, toes, and anything else I can get ahold of and rake it just like this till it looks like an old fashioned butcher shop in the ring. Then I'm gonna LITERALLY SPIT FIRE IN HIS FACE! Then I'm gonna Heathen Slam his charred bloody corpse in the center of the ring and move right on up the mountain..... But you wont hear any of that from me."
KB steps back around the fence and gets close to the camera.
"Ronnie Lassiter! Who the fuck is you!?!?!"
camera fades to black with KB muttering and growling to himself.
Promos for Assault 9 February 2019
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Quillz
- The Glass Ceiling
- Posts: 175
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The Coldsnakes are UNION STRONG baby! On top of the world and nothing can stop us now!
***The scene opens backstage, hours before PWA Assault. In the wrestlers’ locker room, Giant Anaconda methodically wraps wrist tape around his massive (and shiny) forearm, while Junior Cobra bounces manically around the room, pumping his fists enthusiastically.***
COBRA: “We are so IN big guy! The FIERCE and DEADLY Coldsnakes are members of the IT crowd again! Hanging with boss man Akira feels like old times! The name calling, the subjugation, the blatant disrespect and humiliation... it’s just like back in the Devil’s Own!”
***Cobra slings his tag-team championship belt over his shoulder and pats it enthusiastically.***
COBRA: “Tag-team championships, solid evil-henchman employment, sizable-but-not-ostentatious wardrobe budget... the Coldsnakes are back in the black and ready for a snack, Jack!”
***Giant Anaconda stops wrapping his wrist and sighs. He turns to face Cobra and puts his hands on his hips.***
COBRA: “Oh don’t give me that look you big spoilsport. This is TOTALLY working out for us! The Union and the Coldsnakes are like THIS.”
***Cobra tries valiantly to cross his fingers over each other but is defeated by his ridiculous oversized boxing gloves. Anaconda just shakes his head.***
COBRA: “Seriously ‘Captain Buzzkill’, what is your damage? You are totally taking a steamy dump on this gourmet meal I’ve set for us! We’re the mutha-lovin’ tag-team champions man... enjoy the moment!”
***Anaconda slaps his thighs with his meaty hands and stands up from the bench with a grunt. He trudges over to a nearby table and snatches up a sheet of paper, which he shoves into Cobra’s diminutive chest. Cobra takes the paper in his gloved mitts and looks down at it. Across the top of the paper reads “OFFICIAL PWA CONTRACT: LEGAL AND BINDING”. Cobra shakes his head and laughs.***
COBRA: “What, this little thing? Man, don’t worry about this. This is nothing more than a... an honorable handshake between colleagues. This is the fierce and deadly Coldsnakes extending an offer of appreciation and respect to Armageddon. Showing two excellent tag-team competitors and TEAMMATES that we are a pair of totally upstanding dudes will and will gladly give them the fair and timely rematch they deserve.”
***Anaconda sighs deeply and folds his hands over his chest.***
COBRA: “Don’t give me that! Nick Spoils totally told me that this is how they always do business! Armageddon are our buds now. They are one of the bestest tag-teams in the history of the world , and according to Mr. Spoils, they deserve one fair chance to get the belts back. I SWEAR this made a lot more sense when Nick explained it to me last night. Anyway... it’s just a formality right? We’re the ass-kicking Coldsnakes man! We are on top of our game! So we go ahead and give Armageddon their rematch like the top-shelf guys we are... we make Nick happy, and then we go out there and beat ‘em fair and square like I know we will. Then they’ve had their rematch and there’s no bad blood, and we can get along as one big happy family. I believe in us big guy. Come on... where those knuckles at?”
***Cobra puts up one big gloved hand out to Anaconda... who grudgingly fist bumps his diminutive partner.***
COBRA: “THERE he is. Don’t you worry big guy. We’re Union members now! Akira would never steer us wrong. Remember, we go WAY back. Just you wait. After Assault, you’ll see that everything will be coming up Milhouse. We’re at the big kids’ table now and ready to eat!”
***Cobra bounds energetically from the room as Anaconda shakes his head and resumes wrapping his wrists. End scene.***
COBRA: “We are so IN big guy! The FIERCE and DEADLY Coldsnakes are members of the IT crowd again! Hanging with boss man Akira feels like old times! The name calling, the subjugation, the blatant disrespect and humiliation... it’s just like back in the Devil’s Own!”
***Cobra slings his tag-team championship belt over his shoulder and pats it enthusiastically.***
COBRA: “Tag-team championships, solid evil-henchman employment, sizable-but-not-ostentatious wardrobe budget... the Coldsnakes are back in the black and ready for a snack, Jack!”
***Giant Anaconda stops wrapping his wrist and sighs. He turns to face Cobra and puts his hands on his hips.***
COBRA: “Oh don’t give me that look you big spoilsport. This is TOTALLY working out for us! The Union and the Coldsnakes are like THIS.”
***Cobra tries valiantly to cross his fingers over each other but is defeated by his ridiculous oversized boxing gloves. Anaconda just shakes his head.***
COBRA: “Seriously ‘Captain Buzzkill’, what is your damage? You are totally taking a steamy dump on this gourmet meal I’ve set for us! We’re the mutha-lovin’ tag-team champions man... enjoy the moment!”
***Anaconda slaps his thighs with his meaty hands and stands up from the bench with a grunt. He trudges over to a nearby table and snatches up a sheet of paper, which he shoves into Cobra’s diminutive chest. Cobra takes the paper in his gloved mitts and looks down at it. Across the top of the paper reads “OFFICIAL PWA CONTRACT: LEGAL AND BINDING”. Cobra shakes his head and laughs.***
COBRA: “What, this little thing? Man, don’t worry about this. This is nothing more than a... an honorable handshake between colleagues. This is the fierce and deadly Coldsnakes extending an offer of appreciation and respect to Armageddon. Showing two excellent tag-team competitors and TEAMMATES that we are a pair of totally upstanding dudes will and will gladly give them the fair and timely rematch they deserve.”
***Anaconda sighs deeply and folds his hands over his chest.***
COBRA: “Don’t give me that! Nick Spoils totally told me that this is how they always do business! Armageddon are our buds now. They are one of the bestest tag-teams in the history of the world , and according to Mr. Spoils, they deserve one fair chance to get the belts back. I SWEAR this made a lot more sense when Nick explained it to me last night. Anyway... it’s just a formality right? We’re the ass-kicking Coldsnakes man! We are on top of our game! So we go ahead and give Armageddon their rematch like the top-shelf guys we are... we make Nick happy, and then we go out there and beat ‘em fair and square like I know we will. Then they’ve had their rematch and there’s no bad blood, and we can get along as one big happy family. I believe in us big guy. Come on... where those knuckles at?”
***Cobra puts up one big gloved hand out to Anaconda... who grudgingly fist bumps his diminutive partner.***
COBRA: “THERE he is. Don’t you worry big guy. We’re Union members now! Akira would never steer us wrong. Remember, we go WAY back. Just you wait. After Assault, you’ll see that everything will be coming up Milhouse. We’re at the big kids’ table now and ready to eat!”
***Cobra bounds energetically from the room as Anaconda shakes his head and resumes wrapping his wrists. End scene.***
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